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“I thought I was a decent
dancer when I first met John: not
fabulous, or wonderful, or even good,
just decent. I had an image of what I
wanted to be, but that image rarely
reached beyond mediocrity. Deep down
inside existed a child who had daring
dreams; dreams of being expressive and
virtuosic. But that dreamer, that child
who still loved the art of dance, was so
smothered beneath practicality and
prejudices of the real world that I
doubt she even knew she was still alive.
Somewhere in the midst of trying to be
someone else, or simply not to be
myself, I had forgotten who I really
was.
It was like a bubble surrounded me,
protecting me from what I knew was
coming – failure. “Decent” dancers do
not have successful dance careers. And I
don’t think I’ve ever heard of a
“decent” painter, or musician, or
sculptor who became a true and
inspirational artist.
So when I came to John for classes, I
had already decided who I was and who I
could be. In my arrogance I thought I
knew best. I had figured it out: I knew
my limitations, I knew my potential, I
knew what I could be and I scoffed,
outwardly at least, at anyone who told
me otherwise.
Enter John. And enter upheaval,
frustration, aggravation, and true
emotional distress. In essence, the
bubble shattered.
John challenged every limitation I
had ever constructed. He got inside my
head and knew me better than I knew
myself. He saw that child who still
dreamed wild, impossible dreams and he
became determined to see her succeed. I
had been told that I didn’t have the
body for a classical dancer, I didn’t
have the facility or the talent, and
that it was just too hard and not worth
it. One of my teachers even told my
classmates and I not to bother becoming
a professional because it didn’t pay
well enough. None of us would ever get
past the corps de ballet level.
But John was different. He saw past
my anger and frustration to a person who
still clung to a passion for her art. He
believed in me because he believed that
anything manmade could be mastered, and
ballet was just one more man-made form
of expression. He didn’t subscribe to
the prejudices and stereotypes that
everyone else in the ballet world did.
He didn’t just pay lip service to the
idea that anyone could succeed. He acted
on it. He challenged. He pushed me to
discover my real potential and not
simply accept the standard that I had
been spoon-fed.
I cannot express the distress this
caused in my life. My house of cards
tumbled down, throwing my whole self
into disarray. I felt vulnerable and
scared. I wasn’t really sure who I was
anymore, but what I wanted was becoming
clearer. The child inside who wanted to
fly was finally being given her chance.
And I was giving her that chance. Though
I was angry and resistant at first, I
started to believe that I could be more
than “decent.” And I also started to
realize that everyone has that
potential, if given the chance. The
limitations and prejudices that people
place on each other are never powerful
enough to overcome passionate
determination. The spirit is not weak
and ethereal, but strong and determined,
quite ready to face the challenges of
the “real world.”
Through all of this, I cannot say
enough about John and his belief in the
Hartfel Ballet. The strength of our
company is made up of the strength of
its members, and John has fought hard to
bring us to where we are today.
I can now honestly say that my
dancing is now much more than “decent.”
And even more exciting is that I see
myself growing even more, eventually
touching that virtuosic and amazing
realm of a real artist.”
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